You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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