Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
