It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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