last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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