You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
