Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
i've created a new STD.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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