You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
