I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
