You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize