So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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