Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
