worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Randomize
