Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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