Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
