Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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