You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
