his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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