16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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