she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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