My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
birth control should be required to get into college
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
