i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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