Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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