the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
