Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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