remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
