So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
