just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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