and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He better not be in your backpack
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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