Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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