just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
