East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize