capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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