its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
