We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
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