theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
