I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
