Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
