I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
