you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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