And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
