this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
