You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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