She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
