Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
