The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
