Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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