What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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