If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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