Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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