Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
