first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
