why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
