like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
