I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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