first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
