whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
