mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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