There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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