Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
