then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
