you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
