It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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