dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it was like eating out sand paper
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
