he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
