The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
