You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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