Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
