"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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