He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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