Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
