I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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