The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
