okay pat passed out under dana's car
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
