Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
farters have to be the big spoon...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
