hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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