We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
