Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
